Heathrow Aeroflot, we care

I currently on fundraising mission near Heathrow Aeroflot terminal at annual jamboree for yuppie hippies against flying.

We very popular down here. When a bunch of goons from British Aeroflot cartel attempt to gag the hippies, Signora Kramer send team of crack Liberali lawyers to explain to flyboys about meaning of civil liberties. Our lawyers can be very persuasive, particularly when demonstrating alternatives to a robust respect for human rights.

However these boys no come cheap, so today we collecting our due. Hippies not kind of people you can run usual squeeze on, so through Signor Hunhe we have new approach that involve fusing respect for traditional hippy values with classical Liberali market racket.

Our individual carbon credit cards are big hit. It very simple idea. Everytime you buy hippy-shit that bad for planet, like holiday in Goa or importing low-power solar panels from China, you pay Liberali family 1% towards our sustainable protection scheme.

Funds raised from this in part go our Foresty Commission in Sicily to plant trees. Acres of new green shoots now stretch across sites of old industrial wastelands and abandonned lemon groves and just happen to be near spanky new Rennard Enterprises paper-mill that supply most of Liberali family Capos with tactical Focus artillery.

Rest of cash used for shipping costs and occasional emergency paper supply flight. It not cheap to smuggle a container load of refined orange gloss round Bay of Biscay, particuarly if you need to dump some fuel to dodge customs.

Naturally advertising for scheme talk rather more about big green trees than big red ships and little white planes, so hippies happy, and I join them booing as latest by-election pony-express zoom overhead to land. It good business to care.