Tuesday, 12 February 2008

Don Clegg to back no-Sicilian short-lists

Inner Circle meeting today Don Clegg raise difficult matter of Family diversity.

"Gentleman... er... and ladies we are not making progress fast enough. I have therefore decided to back Signor Vaz's call, and in principle support the idea that Capos, in all Families, may need to be chosen, if all else fails... er... on the basis of not being Sicilian."

"Isn't Signor Vaz the fat sleazebag who got suspended from the Labouristi for selling Family favours to his non-Sicilian mates and obstructing an investigation into it?" Ask Signor Baker looking rather cross.

"Er... yes... he has a bit of past... I grant you... however that doesn't on this occasion detract from the... er... general quality of the idea."

"No it'll be a nice little earner for him" mutter someone from back of the room

"So Don, how exactly is this going to work?" ask Signor Laws

"Er... well I think that's fairly obvious if you don't mind me saying so David... If you're not visibly Sicilian, you don't qualify. It doesn't apply to all vacancies, just those in areas where our clients are mostly not Sicilian, or at least a sizeable portion are not."

"But Don, we don't have any Capos in such areas?" he say

"Well precisely David." he say, eyes travelling up towards ceiling "That's why we're doing this"

"O.k... that's helpful Don, but just so we really understand this, I assume that non-Sicilian also means Jewish?"

"Er... clearly there are details to be ironed out..."

"Oh I see so if I get an enquiry about this from a Jewish cugine, I should tell him... or her... to wait until the Family has decided whether they're non-Sicilian enough to qualify?"

"Er... Er..."

"What's if they're only half-Jewish Don?"

"Well clearly in such a case whatever rule we had decided for fully-Jewish cugine would also apply?"

"Oh good, and if only a quarter, or what if they're non-practicing?"

"Well it might be necessary to appoint a vetting committee in such difficult cases."

"Excellent suggestion Don, and the purpose of this committee would presumably be to assess whether they looked visibly Jewish enough?"

"Er... Er... perhaps I should be clear this is primarily about people who clearly are not European looking to avoid all doubt."

"Marvellous Don, so we can presumably then exclude those unusual people who have one European parent, one non-European, but yet look European? Do Native Americans count? the Maronite Christians from the Lebanon?"

"Er... well again... maybe the committee..."

"And... forgive me if I'm being unhelpful.... however given we're picking territories for these short-lists based on how non-Sicilian people look, presumably exactly which communities do have large local presence might have some bearing on which groups get short-listed, or is it as crude as no-whites on the night but anything else goes?"


"Because forgive me for not entirely grasping the wisdom of this policy if it means we have Asian Capos like Signor Vaz's mates in Afro-Caribbean areas and a prospective Jewish Capo in Little Ealing. There are a number of inter-community sensitivities to consider that go a little beyond Sicilian or not."

"Er... that's very helpful David... if you'll excuse me I have to go and help Signor Paddick with his latest recruiting exercise."

"So are we having short-lists for men of honour who like men of honour as well?" mutter previous heckler from deepest recess of room... "what about fat Capos..." propose another "already covered down your way..." interject person behind me who I pretty sure sound like Signor Opik... "thick ones?"... "my point again stands"....

Don Clegg, never one for minor details of such inter-Family debates, has left the room... I think it not bad idea... but maybe not for Little Sicily...

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