Tuesday, 5 February 2008

Mrs. Flinter and the General Obligation Board

It most upsetting day in Little Sicily today. Little Billy O'Scrote, local ragamuffin who run the numbers for me in the Slums, come running into Territory Office.

"Signor Liberali, Signor Liberali, must come quickly the Gobblers are snatching dad's house..."

"The Gobblers?"

"There's a strange glamourous lady on the street with a gang of of thugs who say they from the Labouristi General Obligation Board. They say they going to make our home disappear."

I very disturbed to hear that this happening on patch that command my protection so I gather the boys and head to Slums.

(And by 'boys' Signora Christie-Smith, I mean representative mix of men and women from different ethnic backgrounds, cultural traditions with varied attitudes towards inflicting grevious bodily harm on Labouristi. Have to excuse self on disabled-inclusion though, it not pretty sight last time we try that)

When we get there I see various members of community cowering in middle of street as Labouristi gather lighted firebrands and look as if preparing to throw through windows of their homes. Standing a little way off wearing a fur-trimmed white coat is lady Billy mention. Glamorous, but with cold dead eyes starring impassionately at terror she create. Remind me little of Don Brown.

She notice us and indicate to Gobblers to stop what doing and form protective cordon.

I indicate to caporegime to advance in line.

"What going on here and who are you?" I ask angrily. Lady come forward little way.

"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Mrs. Flinter and I am here doing the work of the Authority. You have no right to interfere."

"I am 'the Authority' here, and you and your generally obnoxious board have precisely 30 seconds to start leaving or experience a widely diverse range of pain."

"But these people are unemployed. And according to their contracts with the Authority their homes are forfeit." She say waving some papers at me.

"Contracts?Billy? Mr. O'Scrote?"

A terrfied Mr. O'Scrote come forward. "It terrible Signor Liberali, they come round last year with contracts saying we must sign or others more deserving would have our homes."

"And you no tell me about this then?"

"They were quite insistent about the danger to our personal safety of mentioning this, what they called a trial run, to anyone not involved. Mrs. O'Scrote still has a limp. I try really hard to meet terms of contract, even get a job at bank call centre, not my fault it turn out to be Northern Rock."

I glower at Mrs. Flint. She smile unpleasantly.

"So this contract?" I say "It say family member must have job or lose their home".

"That right" she say beaming.

"Well Little Billy here work for me, as do all other kids on this street, in fact they all part of my cugine apprenticeship scheme. Today's on-job training is due to be health and safety demonstration of danger of using inflammable materials around unsuitable clothing. Your coat sure look protective, is it fireproof? Would we like to find out childr... I mean colleagues?"

She not smirking now. But expression change again to one of strange cold triumph.

"Mr. O'Scrote, may I congratulate your son on his entrepreneurship, the Authority will be pleased to learn that our persuasive programme has been a complete success. Do ensure you pay minimum wage to your new recruits Signor Liberali. I do hope that your business will not incur any sudden downturns that require me to return."

Several vans appear from nowhere and Mrs. Flinter and her thugs pile in, zooming off at high speed towards Westminster.

Grateful urchins crowed round, tears of gratitude in parent's eyes.

"When's payday" say Billy, as single unit they hold out hands.

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