I with Capo 'KallKwik' Burstow, a Family enforcer, baby-sitting Capo Hancock today who appear to have gone slightly loopy-loo following Don Campbell vanishing act yesterday.
"It business not personal Mike," he say "only Don Cable has instructed me to ensure Capo Liberali hits you with this rather big stick every time you put foot in mouth about your colleagues... until you stop doing it."
"Ah ha... then you're one of them... oh yes you are..." say Capo Hancock
"And who is 'them' Mike?"
"The plotters, the filthy shits who bought down Don Camp..."
"I really not enjoy this Mike" I say
"They're conspiring in dark corners you know... whispering... lurking... smirking... bringing about our doom..."
"This hurt me more than it hurt you"
"I can see the black helicopters mummy... it's plotters in choppers... they're spinning in circles around meeee..."
"now I break old stick Mike, see what you've done"
"Yooouuu just hate the stick because it's old... what's wrong with an old stick... an old stick has just as much right to be a piece of wood as a sapling... now you're plotting against the stick..."
"Please try and concentrate Mike", say KallKwik "Don Campbell has just been on telephone to the Family talking about why paparazzi to blame for making his job impossible."
"Better, what are you not going to do tomorrow when we let you out of the basement?"
"An answer that will suffice for now. Thank-you Mike, please feel free to nibble the furniture while you contemplate Family discipline tonight."
I dispatched to go find new stick for tomorrow... just to be sure...