Thursday, 3 April 2008

Don Studmuffin

I in lot of trouble with the Don this week. While I being entertained by Don Clegg's henchmen last November, we talk about stuff on occasion. With Signor Grant for example we chat about problem with Capo Clegg image.

"The thing is Liberali, I'm a little concerned."

"Why that Gavin?"

"Well Capo Clegg is more 'new' Family than 'old', some people even say he appeals to women."

"What point of that?"

"I know... I know... but ever since Signora Pankhurst and her (shudder) progressive ilk secured full access to the Family it's been seen as quite an asset in a Don."

"Sure explain why Signora Clegg keep giving lady Capos filthy looks."

"Uh huh... anyhow that's not my point, the flip side of all that 'girl-power' is that, well how can I put this delicately, the Capo can occasionally seem a little feminine... it doesn't go down so well with the real old men of honour... you know... like you."

"Sure, Signora Liberali say she glad she with man with no feminine side, and I should under no circumstances ever consider making decisions about what's in our home. I think she say this when visiting bachelor pad while dating."

"Fascinating... I would love to hear more... however the issue is how do we improve the Capo's appeal to real men?... Do you have any ideas?"

"He could shoot Capo Huhne in the face?"

"Uh huh... uh huh... I'm thinking starting a Family blood-bath might lose a little more marginal support than it gains and be quite expensive... it can be a burden to be a marketing expert sometimes... think a little more about the image than the substance."

"Well he could talk about man-things a bit more and spend a little less time on all this diverse Family stuff."

"Mmm interesting... do go on"

"What about he do interview with 'real men' Paparazzi like the 'Moron' who write for PoshWank magazine"

"I'm listening..."

"He could talk about man-stuff... favourite gun... bullet-proof car of month... organising hits on his Blackberry... fun-stuff... wiseguy-stuff... make him sound modern man of honour as well as ladies man"

"Very good... any risks?"

"Um... no don't think so... not like it serious anti-Family magazine..."

And with that he dash off to talk to Signor Clegg. Interview not used at time, but turn out PoshWank saving it for later.... and it seem Don Clegg may have got his brief confused. The Moron got him talking about other stuff as well, which not quite get headlines Signor Grant looking for...

"PoshWank Exclusive: I'm like a Tommy Gun in a whorehouse claim Don of Liberali Family"

"10... 20... 30... I've had so many I've lost count... say Don Clegg"

"Good... was I good... let's just say when you're used to Nissan Micra you're going to notice a Hummer in the driveway"

"Is my wife satisfied?... well she begged me not to become Don, so I guess she wasn't looking for less time together."

"Have I cheated?... er... I don't think so... despite being the Leader of the most sensationally attractive Family... I'd like to think I've only got eyes for Signora Clegg..."

Signor Moron inexplicably publish that last comment under subtitle "He's a shagger, oh yes he is."

So I be taking holiday for a while I think... and not letting Signora Liberali hang around the Printworks too much when Don is around...