It sure nice of new Don Clegg to release me from small cell under Cowley Printworks where I been special guest of his intimidation team ever since I reveal my intention not to reveal who I back for top job.
They pleased to inform me also that my 512 selectors in Little Sicily decide en masse to back Don Clegg today so that my loyalty to new regime not in doubt. Signora Liberali apparently very helpful in securing my safe return by gathering support personally, not always at gun-point.
I got to say though that compared to team-Huhne these Cleggies are bunch of candy-assed softies when it comes to intimidation. You know where you are with the Huhnies. When I say to Signor Oakeshott that I thinking about decision, he smack me in the face, knee me in groin and yell insults about my mother at me for good half hour. He good man. Signora Featherstone force me to listen to endless tape of local residents in Horny Green talking about broken pavements until my ears bleed and I screaming for mercy. She mighty impressive at getting a point across.
Signor Allen on other hand offer me nice cup of tea and sticky bun. Signors Greenland, Wright, and Sherlock try and create an air of menace by making cell dank and miserable, but Signor Allen keep creeping in with fluffy pillows and insisted on installing anti-SAD sunlamp. I so confused by end of six weeks that I now not sure who I supported.
Still we now all move on united. Signor Huhne issue statement
"I am fucking delighted to be serving under the wise-leadership of Don Clegg. Hoo-fucking-ray for the Don. Huzzey fetch my cheering baton, I feel like doing a march of joy for the fucking leader of men we now have amongst us. Whoopee-fucking-do."
Don Clegg say:
"I am ambitious for the Liberali Family and filled with with confidence that we can go forward together united, even the sour-faced grumpy old man whose Family career is now considered over by every serious commentator, despite no doubt playing an important role in my new regime... for now!"
It sure is good to be part of new dawn for Family. I pleased I back right man, whoever that was.