Monday, 31 December 2007

Advertisers marked for death

Don Clegg sure full of great new ideas. Another announcement fly out of il Padrino's office today.

"Nothing is more important to the future of the Family than our precious bambinos. And nothing is more pernicious to the future of our children than the scourge of the modern-day Fagins in the advertising industry, who prey on their innocence with offers of Cheesy McNuggets, Triple thick-shakes, and extra-large McFlurry Sundaes.

Sometimes they even enhance their offers with plastic representations of what my friend Mr. Eno tells me are popular children's characters like Harry Potter, JaJa Binks and Lembit Opik.

Only yesterday I was sitting down a breakfast of organic cheeses and home-baked nut-bread, that I had prepared for Mrs. Clegg and the children, when my youngest demanded a Triple Sausage McMuffin with Curly Fries.

I was so angry I put six bullets into our plasma screen TV, as most sensible parents under unbearable pressure would, and have banned them from watching Horrid Henry... unless they cry a lot, in which case they can watch Bratz... on DVD, when Signor Alexander has replaced the television.

Advertising to children is a blight on the modern Family. Consequently the Directors of several publicity agencies have been marked as legitimate targets until such a time as my toddler stops making unreasonable demands for Happy Meals and mini-Whoppers.

This does not include my friend Gavin Grant, whose company Burson-Marsteller has an entirely wholesome relationship with popular toys of high educational value."

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