Thursday, 20 December 2007

First meeting of new Inner Circle

As day draw to close new Inner Circle of Capos gather in Cowley war room. Standing room only for some as senior team expanded to include half of Family Capos. I get to keep old job, turn out in my absence Little Sicily caporegime organise big party for postmen that been collecting and delivering notes of loyalty to decide who be Don. Seem to been very good party since some notes still only turning up this week. Oddly this appear to please the Don.

"Ladies, gentleman, welcome" say Don Clegg "I am glad to see so many of you here. Old hands, new faces, those of you who supported me and those of you only lately persuaded. We have much to do...."

I begin to nod off as the Don repeat well rehearsed speech. Through half-haze of waking-sleep I look around room at winners and losers in regime change.

Old-Don Campbell not here of course, although he spending his time reviewing our military capacity. "I get to think about who needs to be shot and how quickly", he tell me cheerfully on phone last night. I then pretty sure he start humming "I got a little list, and they'll none of them be missed".

Signor Huhne is there of course, he thanking Don Clegg for his new role in old job as Capo for Criminal Affairs. "The Don was wise to recognise that this has become an area of significant weakness for us. I will do my best to repair the damage." His ally Signora Featherstone standing at back looking bit grumpy. She been given post looking after Troubled Cugine.

Signor Opik, who also get moved from Rackets to Slums, in better spirits. Before meeting going round colleagues doing routine I no understand. He say "Who's this..." he then flick his hair, scowl, and say "Cugine? Am I bothered... face... bothered... bothered... face..." Colleague then look clueless... and he say "I'm Signora Featherstone" before bursting into hysterical laughter.

He very odd.

Wee Willie Rennie new on the team to prove we still like Sicilians in kilts after ditching Don Kennedy and Don Campbell. He get to organise high-level intimidation sessions. He great, he only Capo in Family able to carry bag of coal that weigh about same as Signora Teather up mountain, despite only being 4 ft tall, and carrying an Uzi in his sporran.

Signora Kramer and Signor Baker have swapped roles. He now Getaway Cars and she now Family Values, although this now awfully confusing with Don not being Catholic. Signor "The Professor" Webb gets Enviro-rackets, Signora Goldsworthy gets to shoot Capitani that misbehave, Signor Moore back in old Smuggling Development role, reporting to Signor Davey who now his boss, and Signor Browne, Capo Don Ashdown liked to call Mini-me, join Signor Cable's team to help with Money Laundering. All else unchanged.

"and that concludes this meeting" say Don Clegg "thank you for attending one and all and keeping your snoring to a minimum Signor Liberali."

It good to be thought of as special by the Don.

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