Tuesday, 8 January 2008

Don shakes up our war-planners

As part of process of shaking up Family to take us out of comfort zone Don Clegg announce new appointments.

"First, to bring new thinking into the way we defend the Family I am reappointing Signor Rennard to manage our general planning. His vision of innovative continuity is exactly what we need to refresh our fighting capability with new traditional thinking."

"Second to ensure a consistent show of force, I am dispensing with a single leading planner and appointing Signor 'Whippy' Stunell to manage our Capitani, Wee Willie Rennie to corral the Capos, and Signor Davey to plan the planning committee."

"This 'overlapping consistency' will help reduce the problem under my predecessors where no one had any clear idea who was responsible for taking decisions. Now if there is a turf war in the slums of old Hallam it clearly a matter for Signor Stunell... unless a Labouristi Capo is involved in which case it become a matter for Wee Willie... unless there's more than one, in which case you must call Signor Rennard."

"If there is any doubt who to call you must call Signor Davey, who will call Signors Rennard, Stunell and Rennie... or me, and then I will call Wee Willie, or Signor Stunell, or get Signor Rennard to call them both, perhaps consult with Signor Davey to see who to call... I hope that is clear."

"Just in case it isn't I have hired Chris Bones, an expert in drawing very large and complicated charts with very exciting colours and shapes, to ensure this Family's planning capability can be explained in PowerPoint which he assures me is currently the greatest barrier between us and victory over our opponents. Some of my colleagues have expressed doubts about Signor Bones capability to understand our Family ways. However when he showed them how he billed his clients they were very reassured."

"Finally to ensure I receive the best possible independent advice on whether I should call Signor Bones, Signor Davey, Signor Rennard, Wee Willie or Signor Stunell I have appointed Jonathon 'The Impaler' Sharkey as my special advisor on communicating with planners. Jonathon has recently returned from a spell in sing-sing after his successful prosecution of a campaign for the Vampires, Witches & Pagans Family in downtown Minnesota. A logical progression from his previous role advising Signora Thatcher of the Conservatori."

Signor Sharkey inspire the troops

"In making these appointments I hope we can look forward to glorious future of clarity and effective planning. Drawing a line under the confusions of the past. Anyone who doesn't like that can take it up with Signor Sharkey. That is all."

It sure is great to know Family modernising for better tomorrow.

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