It not been great month for Hollywood Don Cameron and his Conservatori Family faction of contemporary dancers. Apparently old Conservatoris are pining for days when Signora Thatcher, the Iron Don, used to keep order in the United Territories by chucking Union Leaders down open mine-shafts. Not so many open these days though.
"It used to be case that if a member of one's caporegime wasn't working, one could slap him around a bit with an old bicycle" say Signor Leigh of the Conservatori Cornershop faction. "Now one is expected to give the idle bugger a hug and say 'there, there, tell Uncle Edward all about your unhappy childhood and have a lollipop', then sing a lullaby. One is decidedly unhappy with the Don."
"I love a good show tune myself," say Signor Duncan of the Centre for Progressive Close Harmony Singing, "but Don Cameron needs to set a clear score, otherwise it's just a bit Lilly Allen, if you know what i mean."
"Frankly," say Capo Osbourne, "I'm his most loyal supporter, but phewee what a bell-end."
Things so bad that Don Cameron recently visit Rwanda in effort to recruit new bodyguards with experience of war crimes and a good rhythm section.
Don Campbell remain quietly detached from this bout of ill-fortune and spleen-venting in our close rivals. He send token of sympathy to Don Cameron. Although what use he will have for old vinyl copy of 'I like to ride my bicycle' with his iPod I not know. Puzzling indeed are the ways of the Don.