Thursday, 12 July 2007

Labouristi to build more slums

Don Brown of the Labouristi been driving around local streets lots today. Occasionally he stop, get out soapbox, and stand on it and shout at local people. Being relatively inconspicuous in my Trilby and overcoat I drift over and listen.

"People of United Territories, I bring you great news! The Labouristi are your friends and if you are friends of Labouristi, if you are our key workers, we going to build you new homes. Glorious homes, decent homes, homes fit for my own paisan (who sadly won't be living in them due to existing swanky pads in Belgravia)."

There is murmuring in the crowd:

"We wouldn't need new 'omes if your Capos hadn't been shipping over their nephews from Eastern Sicily for the last few years to work in Tescos. 'Ow do we know these new 'omes won't just go to friends of the Family?"

"Paisan, paisan, I feel your trouble, of course these homes will be for you. Regrettably we are successful land these days, we attract many new people to our streets. Welcome friends in the main, friends who bring with them many new skills and benefits to our lives."

"These friends are reasonable people, they do not want glorious new homes, nothing for them can anyhow replace the memory of lemon groves they left behind them to work here to ensure your McVities Crunchy Cream Crackers are available on three for two deal every Friday."

"No, these kind people, when we move you out of drafty old homes with those large rooms that so hard to heat in winter, will sacrifice themselves by moving in. Meanwhile you, you lucky people, will have the benefit of our new 80-storey compact community blocks. Tower blocks so gloriously efficient that 400 homes can be kept warm with one windmill on roof."

"I am humble son of Scottish sheep strangler, this thing is least I can do for you."

"And now my paisan I must depart, Signora Brown is doing up our second Sitting Room and want help with picking curtains from Habitat."

It sure is exciting think I, plenty of work for men of honour in building trade... and many of the best of them are my cousins in Sicily. Only question is where they going to live when building new blocks?

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