Friday, 29 June 2007

Interview under caution

It funny thing. I walking down market street in Little Sicily, when all of sudden, screech of tires, blue lights, and I is pulled into back of car that take off at high speed.

Either side of me sit two gentleman. One in uniform introduce himself as Inspector Blair, the other who wear big overcoat and low brimmed hat he introduce as former-Inspector Stevens.

"Liberali" say Inspector Blair, "naturally we hate to detain you on such a lovely day, but it has come to our attention that there was a little trouble in Little Brixton the other day. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?"

"Signor Blair, I am simple businessman of modest ambition and means, what interest would I have in affairs outside Little Sicily?"

"Cut the crap Liberali" interject Signor Stevens "We are watching you, and your colleagues, and we have friends who don't take kindly to trouble in their projects."


"Let's just say... I have a friend... a friend who doesn't like rival businessmen importing goods on his territory. Let us say he has an international security problem and has retained my services to ensure it doesn't become a domestic one. "

"If there were such domestic trouble... he might get very angry. He might call me, and I might call my friend Inspector Blair... who in turn might feel the need to visit you and your colleagues. Is that understood Liberali?"

Car is feeling very stuffy and my mouth very dry. He go on...

"I know what you're thinking Liberali, you're thinking, I'm just a businessman, with my own friends. What can Inspector Blair do to me?, I have rights."

"Maybe you do... maybe you don't Liberali. Maybe my friend is so powerful that some of those rights can just disappear. You remember that gang of Afghanis who tried to cause trouble the other year?... you do?... oh good... where do you think they are right now?"

Part of me think it smart at this point to indicate at least a couple are down Streatham-way running kebab and BBQ shop. Good boys, only other week helped us shift a stock of gas-cylindars that fell off back of lorry. Also buy my cousin's old Mercedes cash-in-hand. But Signor Stevens no look like he up for chit-chat.

"There are some very unpleasant places in parts of the world Liberali. Places where there are no juries, no friends of your Don, and nothing to remind you of Little Sicily. These of course are not places that social people have to worry about Liberali, so I do hope you and your friends are not thinking of being anti-social?"

At that moment Inspector Blair get call on radio, apparently some big ding-dong going down near Piccadilly.

"Out you get Liberali, something important has come up. I hope though that Signor Steven's little chat has been instructive and we will not be meeting again soon?"

"Grazie Signors" I yell as they throw me in gutter.

I feel strong urge to go buy kebab, very troubling day.

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