Wednesday, 5 September 2007

Do I amuse you?

A most puzzling day. I in Cowley Printworks and get summoned to see Signora Featherstone Capo of the Hornsey Green Liberali. A fratellanza who specialise in dropping broken paving slabs on our enemies and tying them between speed bumps.

"Come in Signor Liberali" she say.

Sitting with her are Hapless Cullen 'the Aggregator', Nogeek Howells, and 'Shorty' Tall. A dangerous group of hardened killers often used to sort out Family internal problems.

The boys are staring at me pretty hard. Hapless is picking his fingernails with a stiletto and, Nogeek is frowning. Shorty is bouncing rubber ball off wall, with alarming good reflexes I think.

I not feeling so great about this meeting all of sudden.

"Liberali, Liberali, Liberali, what does the omertà code mean to you?"

"Er... it mean you keep Family business in Family," I stutter.

"Exactly" she say "Would you say the code is entirely compatible with, for example... the keeping of a diary?"

"Well er..."

Shorty is bouncing ball quite close to me now, Hapless is tossing his stiletto in one hand and catching it, Nogeek is polishing his glasses with hanky that have rather unnerving red stains in one corner.

"Well I'm delighted to say", she say "that in glorious regime of Don Campbell it is entirely autorizzato, in fact we welcome it. We are all Liberali here, we have nothing to hide."

"Er... what this have to do with me?"

"Well it seems Liberali that someone has been writing a diary in your name and the old Don finds it... what did he say Shorty?"

"I believe he said he found it funnier than when Signor Oaten suggested he should be running the family or when Signor Hughes claimed he would double the size of Family in two years" he growl

"I personally cracked a smile" say Hapless "once, it hurt my jaw"

"It bought joy to my day" say Nogeek.

"that nice" I reply

"Not especially" he add "I was at a funeral"

"Anyhow" interject Signora Featherstone "The point is that the committee for diary-control here have shortlisted your diary for special monitoring. Congratulations, you amuse us, you will now recieve our special attention"

"Er... Hooray!"

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